Hump-Day Threesome: Hag Horror!
Open from 1897 to 1962, The Grand Guignol Theater in Paris was famous for mounting horror productions, and as such, the name of the theater has since proliferated the horror genre. It’s now a general term used to describe graphic or morally ambiguous horror productions. Everything from Shakespeare’s bloodiest plays to The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) could be considered within the tradition.
Among the most famous plays mounted at The Grand Guignol was a play called Un Crime dans une Maison de Fous by André de Lorde. The play concerned the adventures of two old hags in a booby hatch who viciously attacked another patient with scissors. It’s this particular play that is of interest to a girl like me. (This particular kind of story was eventually dubbed “Grand Dame Guignol.”) While I might never get to see this production mounted, I can get my fix of what is now generally referred to as Hag Horror anytime I want.
What is Hag Horror? you might ask. Quite simply, it’s horror that relies on the age and decrepitude of its central characters to achieve its scares. Things you might see in a film of this kind include really unfortunate-looking old ladies, household instruments turned weapons, a rejection of beauty and youth, and oftentimes a bit of camp. These films are nothing if not completely enjoyable. They are likely to make you laugh, but even as they do so, there is something unsettling in this portrait of old age that makes one wonder how far they really are from the truth.
Here are three good picks for an evening of Hag Horror!
I. Strait-Jacket (1964)
Strait-Jacket has all the appeal of a tabloid representation of its lead actress. Joan Crawford plays a young woman who finds her husband in bed with a floozy and promptly chops the lovers’ heads off with an axe. Cut to: Joan Crawford plays an old woman just released from the booby hatch.
You can probably imagine where this is going. Or you can imagine the myriad possibilities of where this could go, at least. Let me inform your fantasizing with a bit more data: William Castle is the director of this film.
Yeah, check it out, and you can thank me later.
II. What Ever Happened to Aunt Alice? (1969)
It’s easy to think there could be nothing better than a movie wherein Ruth Gordon engages in actual fisticuffs. And you know, you would be right. That’s right, folks, What Ever Happened to Aunt Alice? is a movie that packs the wallop of old lady punches. And it is—in three words—completely fucking awesome.
You would think reading about the film that Ruth Gordon is the star of this doozy of a picture. After all, she is Ruth Gordon. But no, Geraldine Page owns this movie. While good ole Ruth is awesomely plowing through her each and every scene, it’s Geraldine Page who really takes the cake. She is absolutely vicious as Mrs. Marrable. You’re unlikely to ever encounter a mean old lady quite like her.
I’m loathe to reveal any of the plot because it’s a bit of a twister, but trust me when I say you’ll be disgusted with the goings-on and overjoyed at the same time.
Please note: This film contains the world’s greatest old lady fight every committed to celluloid.
III. What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)
Ah, the mother of all Hag Horror. This is the one that started this happy little subgenre. There is really nothing better that two screen legends duking it out. Bette Davis plays former child star Baby Jane Hudson. Years have passed and brought with them wrinkles and serious insanity. Baby Jane’s sister Blanche (Joan Crawford) is herself now a movie star consigned to a wheelchair after an accident in the two sisters’ driveway.
The few days the film presents showcase the very real animosity between Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. And they boast the most disturbing musical number I’ve ever seen. Bette Davis is truly a wonder as the more than a little insane Baby Jane. And she is brilliantly complemented by Crawford’s unrelenting (and always surprising) likeability. She wins your sympathy rather quickly, and it’s tough to imagine that her lot in life is fair. But just you watch, and you might be surprised.
The seething hatred the two actresses had for each other shines through their every shared scene, and it makes Baby Jane into not only the first hagsploitation/psycho-biddy film, but also the greatest.
If you don’t like What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? you don’t like being alive, my friends.
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Categories: Fused Movies
