Zombified: A Review of Halloween 2, Musings on Rob Zombie’s Blob Remake & Halloween 3-D

By Will Melton • August 31, 2009 • 10 Comments

Before we jump into a review of Halloween II, let’s get some rumors and news out of the way.

There has been reports that Rob Zombie will be “reinventing” the 1958 horror classic The Blob for the big screen. However, the article also reports that Zombie was not a fan of the original and that he plans to change the blob itself, because he does not want “to have a big red blobby thing.”

Um, what?

Okay, granted that big red blobby thing might seem a tad kitschy by today’s standards, but we are talking about The Blob, correct?  Here’s an idea, Rob. If you don’t want to work with a big red blobby thing, then don’t remake The Blob. It’s a simple solution.

I think it’s safe to expect a weird, conceptual alien mass and a lot of shaky handheld camera shots for this one.

As for Halloween, however, Zombie will not return for the third installment, which according to the L.A. Times will be shot in 3D.

Again, um, what?

Do the Weinstein brothers have no sense of history? I think we all remember what happened the last time Halloween tried to get experimental on a third installment. Look guys, we know that The Final Destination defeated you at the box office, but if you thought it won simply because Halloween II wasn’t in 3D, then it’s not too difficult to figure out why your company is verging on bankruptcy.

Here’s one idea that I’d like to throw out: why not open the next Halloween movie on, you know, HALLOWEEN weekend.

Saw VI is finally the last one of the series. You don’t have to worry about the competition and, hey, the name of the movie writes the marketing campaign for you. In case I didn’t mention it—it’s Halloween.

But I digress and moving on to a review of Halloween II…

Well, what can you really say about this film? As much as I hate clichés, H2 is definitely a love it or hate it kind of film. I’m also going to guess that most people will hate it.

Personally, I’m still swimming in ambivalence. I loved the set design. Everything looked grimy and corroded. Visually, we could see the havoc that Myers wreaked on the town and its people.

Unfortunately, too much felt forced. Zombie used the color white to make a point more than the KKK, i.e. white horses, a quote about white horses, flowing white gowns, blinding white light, The Moody Blues’ Nights in White Satin, an all white asylum room—dude we get it. Chill out.

Honestly, I don’t know what to write. It was a unique vision, but it felt dishonest. As I watched the film, I felt like Zombie had a violent, violent revelation that was screaming for life, but that he was afraid to really run with it. This time he tried too hard to control the madness, but this was the one film that needed a dose of unrestrained madness.

In the end, it was anti-climatic in every sense of the word and I just pray that we get a director’s cut version on DVD that unleashes the fury of an apocalyptic plague. There was definitely something amazing buried in this film, but Zombie left it hidden in the stone and the Platonic horror sculpture remains dormant.

Will Michael’s knife ever carve the perfect hell?

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